Masturbating With Watermelon

Once you've tasted the real thing, jerkin' off just never quite cuts the mustard. There is no substitute for makin love with your honey. And you learn real quick that orgasm is just the frosting on the cake... no pun intended.

'Course, sometimes your content with just licking the bowl. But when you want yer cake and eat it too you want the whole enchelada.

So it is with watermelons. Eating one of these genetically modified seedless excuses just don't cut it. Its like unrequited love... it never quite sasifies.

I bought one the other day and put it in the garage refrigerator to get good and cold and wait for the mood to strike.

Then I forgot about it.

Then, earlier this evening, it started. Faint at first. So faint I couldn't even identify it. Just a yearning poking away at me. A need. A want. I WANT!

WHAT?

Finally it got strong enough to enter my conscious mind. WATERMELON! I want WATERMELON!!

Then my head really got its shit together. I GOT WATERMELON!! So out to the garage I went. And back with the coveted fruit.

Now, when you grew up growing watermelons in rich, black, Iowa farm dirt you know watermelons. You know it was back in the good ole innocent days before mad geneticists got their mitts in the melon patch. And you know from experience. And you remember because its a sensuous experience. And its sensuous because the senses know.

The ears know. They know when you thump it. And they know when you cut it open. Know from the sound... Craaaccckk! POP!!

The nose knows. You know by the scent... DISTINCT!  Like essence is distinct!!  And you know that its ripe.  That its right time.  Just right.

The Eyes know. Know from the color... a thin green skin over a pale green rind and then, RED. Stark Red. Red red. Watermelon Red! With Seeds!!

The fingers know. They know from the texture of the meat and the rind... CHRISP!

And the taste buds know.

This one, the only variety available at the stores these days (public demand they say), looked and sorta smelled like a watermelon before I cut it. But the masquerade ended there. The fantasy was in trouble as soon as I put knife to nectar. And it went down hill from there.

No craaaccck, pop under the knife. No red Red. But alot of that whitish looking layer where the rind turns into the fruit.  Its usually a pretty thin layer. That color extended way into the fruit. Never really getting watermelon red. Just sorta, well, SICK LOOKING!

Taste? Put one of these modern miracles in your mouth and its immediatly obvious something is missing besides the seeds.

Texture? Can you say RUBBER? You do the finger test. Stick a finger in the meat and the cells break away. Mine was like a half deflated balloon and the rind was like a sponge.  A dead sponge that'd been sittin in a cess pool and drowned.

Rubbish!

But, hands down, the final evidence that you've just eaten good watermelon, real watermelon, comes when you've eaten your fill and you be SASIFIED!!

I know!

I just did!!

And I STILL WANT WATERMELON!!!